Area Residents Fight for Right to Tolerable Daytime Television

“We’re just tired of being yanked around by people whose sole existence is to entertain us.  I mean, do your job,”  says local homemaker and mother, Mary Catherine (“MeerKat”) Mc Fadden.

A group of area residents are pledging to do whatever it takes to draw attention to their need for tolerable daytime television programs.  Prompted by the abrupt exit of co-host Michael Strahan from her favorite show, “Live with Kelly and Michael,” local homemaker and mother, Mary Catherine (“MeerKat”) McFadden has plans to incorporate a group of volunteers which she hopes will help bring decent programming to homes just like hers.

“There just aren’t many options for those of us who have the television on during the day.  Most of the talk shows are mind-numbing and the court shows are nothing but paternity tests!  The Price is Right is so campy.  And soaps?  Don’t get me started on the soaps.  All that skin and social issues!  Not at all like it was in our mother’s day.”  MeerKat fondly remembers her own mother, who followed “real love stories” on The Guiding Light and contemplated “serious issues” on The People’s Court with Judge Wapner.

“Wapner would think all these ‘justice’ shows are a bunch of poppycock,” MeerKat says with crossed arms and a look of indignation on her face.

And MeerKat is not alone.  When she posted an Event on Facebook to inform others about the decline of daytime television and what could be done about it, fives to tens of people showed up at the local Bun & Bagel eatery to hear more.  Most of the attendees agreed that something needed to be done, especially in reference to the co-host search for Live with Kelly.

MeerKat’s neighbor, Karen Duffy said, “We should protest!  It’s just not right that there aren’t more options for us.  Yesterday I had to turn on the Kardashians because there was just nothing else on!  What’s a woman with a college education supposed to watch all morning?”

“I have two Master’s degrees, and I just don’t really watch television.  I mean, except some NetFlix.  Sometimes.  I was under the impression that this was a group looking to raise awareness about doing away with television all together.  My family prefers to read, or listen to chamber music,” said Monica Purvis. Other group members looked at each other quizzically as Monica quietly excused herself.

“Well,” continued Karen.  “I mean, I don’t really WATCH the television.  I just have it on, as sort of a bit of background noise while I’m doing other things to, you know, care for my family.”  Much of the group nodded and added that they also don’t necessarily devote a lot of time to the television, either, and certainly won’t let their children watch such rubbish, but EVEN SO, it would be nice if there was something decent to look at, whenever it just happens to be on.

MeerKat’s across-the-cul-de-sac neighbor, Alexis Buncombe, also an ardent supporter of the cause, spoke up, bringing the discussion back around to the co-host search for Live with Kelly.

“Really, we have to let our voices be heard!  If they choose Josh Groban as the co-host, I will not be able to handle it.  Seriously, I will burn my couch in the streets in protest!”  This drew gasps and laughter from the group, as most people have a hard time knowing when Alexis is kidding or not, and she has been known to burn things from time to time.  Several discussions popped up around the room, regarding Homeowner Association rules and requests for specifics on exactly which couch Alexis planned to burn.

“I love that couch!  You should put that on the Facebook exchange group,” said one attendee.  “It would sell in a minute!”

“I’d buy it,” said another person, at which point Alexis and two other group members left the Bun & Bagel to go to Alexis’s house in order to negotiate a price for said couch and plan how to sneak it into her playroom without her husband noticing.

Undaunted by the dwindling numbers for her group, MeerKat pressed on with her agenda and requested that the remaining members start brainstorming names for their emerging group.

MeerKat began the discussion by presenting her idea for the group’s name:  Stay At Home Moms Support Good TV, or SAHMSGTV for short (pronouced Sahms-Guh-Tuhv).  She showed the group some examples of graphics for t-shirts and Facebook cover photos and then reminded all those present that they were welcome to have a snack from the tower of pastries she had ordered for the event.  All attendees waved her offer away, and said they were just fine with their skinny, no cream mocha lattes.

As MeerKat moved on to the next Order of Business, a letter writing campaign (“on thick, monogrammed stationery only, please, that’s what gets you taken seriously”), an attendee rose to her feet and began speaking.

“I would just like to say that this group name does not suit me,” said Linda Farmington.  “I’m on board with your ideas, but I am not actually a Stay at Home Mom.  I do stay at home, but only because my cats are there.  My housekeeper doesn’t speak English, so I have to stay home to make sure they’re not anxious while she’s around.  I don’t feel like I should be excluded from this cause just because I’m not a Mom, nor should I be labeled as a part of  a group of mothers just so I can support the need for quality daytime television.  It’s all rather unfair and excluding of others just because we’re a little different.”

A murmur rippled through the crowd as another woman spoke up.  “I agree!  I mean, I’m a Mom, but Lord knows I sure don’t stay at home!  More like ‘On the Road Mom,’ amirite?  Can I get an ‘amen,’ sisters?”  Many of the women chuckled and nodded their heads in agreement.

About this time,  a stout male with an unshaven face and distinct odor spoke up by saying, “Well, I’m not a Mom AND I don’t have a home, so the name doesn’t suit me, either.  I do like the show, though.  That Travel Trivia is a real hoot.”  The man, later identified as town drunk Stinky Pete, could not be reached for further comment, as he exited through a side door soon after stocking up on Buns and Bagels.

All the women turned to each other and began talking heatedly as to how busy their days are, how their roles are frequently misunderstood and their accomplishments often overlooked and rarely appreciated.

The meeting had to be adjourned quickly, as Bun & Bagel would be closing for the afternoon shortly, and several of the women had to go home to prepare an appetizer to take to Bunco night at Eleanor Giffin’s later that evening.  MeerKat called for a vote to change the name of the group to People Who Are Usually Able to Watch Daytime Televison and Have an Opinion About It.  But as most of the meeting attendees were socializing in the parking lot, it was determined that a quorum was not available and a new meeting date would have to be set.

When asked about her feelings regarding the results of the meeting, MeerKat said, “Well, the graphics can be re-worked; however, I’m not sure that the acronym PWAUATWDTVAHAOAI has quite the same ring to it.  I still think the letter-writing campaign is the way to go for ensuring a decent co-host for Kelly.  Gelman just can’t ignore an avalanche of finely crafted papers.”  After a brief pause and a wistful look into the distance, MeerKat quietly said, “You know, I’ve been meaning to clean out my husband’s closet.  Maybe we should do a coat drive for Stinky Pete.  I’ll do a Sign Up Genius for it tonight.”

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