“You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you..”  Carly Simon

So many of us love music.  I like to think there’s a soundtrack to my life, and truly, at almost all times, I have a song running through my head.  Most times a situation will cause a song to pop up there and take residence for way too long.  And I also like to think that most songs were written with me in mind, so I can often twist the lyrics around to suit my personal life soundtrack.  Music is art, after all, and just like one person can see a painting of a beautiful flower, but another person sees it as lady parts, music is up for interpretation.  So when The Weekend came out with the song “Earned It” this past summer, and popular radio played it roughly 400 times a day, I quickly made the song all about me, and how much my husband loves me and how HE TOO thinks that I have earned the Luxe Life of homemaker.  I’m not sure what number of listens I was on when I started to get wise to the possibility this song is not quite how I’ve interpreted it (I’ve happily maintained my naïveté will into my late thirties, thank you very much), but, please, follow me on this journey of introspection.   And for the record, my real-life husband does not frequent strip clubs.  He’s asleep well before the good ones even come out on stage.

EARNED IT LYRICS/SHEEPISH THOUGHTS

You make it look like it’s magic        
Awww, thanks, babe.  This is just a Magic Eraser, but I agree, it  IS kind of magic…

‘Cause I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you      
Yeah, I see nobody but me here, too.  I mean, who even made this mess?  How did this get here?

I’m never confused  
Well, ok, that’s good, I guess?  But I AM a little confused.

Hey, hey    
Hey, hey yourself.  Wait, is this a proposition?  Because I mean, it’s still light outside and I have all this magic erasing to do.

I’m so used to being used  
Is this about that asshole at work AGAIN?  

So I love when you call unexpected
Listen, there is no need to be sarcastic, the dishwasher was broken and I didn’t know who else to call.  

‘Cause I hate when the moment’s expected
Then maybe now is not the best time to tell you I’m not cooking anything for dinner.  (KIDS CHIME IN: “BRINNER, BRINNER!”)
So I’ma care for you, you, you
I’ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah
YEAH, YEAH, Headed to Target! 

‘Cause girl you’re perfect  
Yes, I am.
You’re always worth it   
Damn straight.  And L’Oreal agrees.  (speaking of, I need to get going to Target)
And you deserve it      
YES, THANK GOD someone see this!  
The way you work it
Ye–wha?  “Work it?”  Did you mean “work OUT?”  Because I mean these are just my Old Navy yoga pants, and while they are compressing in all the right places, I am not sure I am exactly “working it.”  I’m starting to think this song isn’t about me.
‘Cause girl you earned it
Girl you earned it  
Well, now you’ve got that right.  I HAVE earned it.  And then some.  Where is that Target RedCard?  

You know our love would be tragic
Let’s not be dramatic.  Meeting at a frat party and then having a small town church wedding 2 years later is certainly not tragic.  What is this song even about??    

So you don’t pay it, don’t pay it no mind
So the song is about a stripper.  And yesI’m sure the stripper is just IGNORING the love she feels.  Because it’s so tragic.  Not because monogamy would seriously interfere with her livelihood.  Or the fact that men that frequent strip clubs are generally skeevy.  

We live with no lies
Yes, let’s.  Time to come clean, buddy.
Hey, hey
Don’t you “hey, hey” me!
You’re my favorite kind of night    
Unless you are talking about a bottle of wine and Dateline, I  am not even hearing this crap.

So I love when you call unexpected    
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?  THE F’ING DISHWASHER  IS F’ING BROKEN!  AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST WASH THE       F’ING DISHES IN THE F’ING SINK LIKE A F’ING CAVEMAN?

‘Cause I hate when the moment’s expected  
Well, I guess then you know what to expect next, mister.  Give me that damn phone.   
So I’ma care for you, you, you
I’ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah    
Who even says “I’ma?”  All your friends at the strip club?

‘Cause girl you’re perfect  
Um, yeah.  AND I’m all natural, which is more than you can say for ole Skye down at The Landing Strip.  

You’re always worth it      
Well, Push up bras are not cheap. 

And you deserve it      
And if I ever decided to get surgically enhanced, that would be my own personal decision and no one should judge me for it.  

The way you work it    
You know, I’ve thought about it for a minute, and I AM working these Old Navy yoga pants.  
‘Cause girl you earned it
Girl you earned it      
Wait until I get back from Target and you see what I’ve earned.

On that lonely night
“Lonely night?”  Was this that weekend I went to the Taylor Swift concert with my college friends??  
You said it wouldn’t be love
But we felt the rush                                                                        
It’s never love with strippers.  All about the Benjamins. You better not have given her a hundred dollars.  I mean, we really need a new dishwasher.  

It made us believe it there was only us    
Guess there was a lap dance involved.  GREAT.

Convinced we were broken inside, inside  
“I’ma” make your outsides match your broken insides, jerk.

I’m so used to being used      
Again with this.  So, Stan from accounting is busting your balls?  GET OVER IT.  I went to three different stores or soccer cleats and our kid decided they didn’t want to even play anymore, but I’m still on the snack list for the rest of  the season.  WE’RE ALL BEING USED.

So I love when you call unexpected  
Hmmmmm, yeah, “I’ma” need you to come home early tomorrow to meet that dishwasher repairman.

‘Cause I hate when the moment’s expected  
Well, I certainly hope you don’t expect me to cook.  I’m not going to dirty more dishes that I can’t even clean.  (KIDS CHIME IN: “CHICK FIL A NIGHT!”)
So I’ma care for you, you, you
I’ma care for you, you, you, you, yeah  
Are you still talking??
‘Cause girl you’re perfect        
At least you’re making sense now.   
You’re always worth it      
I’m out.  
And you deserve it    
Do you need anything from Target?
The way you work it
‘Cause girl you earned it
Girl you earned it      
Livin’ the dream; you know it.  

Still reading?  Here’s the video.  And, hey, I don’t know where you work, but “I’ma” warn you this may not be appropriate for the workplace.  I just work in my laundry room, and even I feel a little funny about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMRf1dDzIEg

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